I've had to be strong all my life to endure things I've gone through. Being a single parent to two boys I have to be strong. To work in a male dominated field I have to be strong. My life forces me to be strong, sometimes too strong. I'd like to take a backseat one day and observe. I'd like to know what it feels like to co-parent, not to have all the burden on me. I'd like to know how it feels for my husband to pay half the bills or just one bill. Or take my car to the mechanic. Or grocery shop. I do it all.. and a weak woman couldnt handle it but sometimes I'm too strong.
I want to learn to not be so aggressive in life so when help does come along I know how to accept it. I've been on my own for a long time and I can admit to myself, quietly, that I'm tired. I want to not answer my phone through the week or something. I want a break from the world. How would life be without Joy for a week? I want to be out of reach, unavailable. But if I do it, the following week I will have alot of explaining to do so is it worth it. Sigh. Just a little overwhelmed these days.....
